Mindset is everything. It is the core of failing or succeeding at your goals. In this episode, Mario Lanzarotti, a TEDx Speaker, discusses mindset as the filter you use to see and understand the world. He also explains that our body is our unconscious mind, while our mindset encompasses our thoughts and emotions. Mario has packed so many insights for us today! Gain mental clarity and focus so you can generate value today!
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Mindset Is Your Filter To Understand The World With Mario Lanzarotti
IS FEAR OR YOUR SOUL AND INTUITION THE DRIVER OF YOUR LIFE?
Andy, it’s great to see you.
It’s great to see you, Zach, as always. I’m looking forward to another golden nugget filled, as we call it around here, episode. We have a kindred spirit in the house so our conversation’s going to flow very naturally. Our guest is Mario Lanzarotti, a German-born, who got Italian in him but is residing in Cape Town, South Africa as we speak. You thought this show was US based. No. We bring in worldwide people and international crowds because the issues we talk about don’t stop at the borders of the United States. I wanted to bring Mario in for that.
They’re human issues and they’re humans all around the world. Humans don’t only live in the United States. They live around the world. Human issues are human issues. I was excited to bring Mario in for this episode. I had the honor and privilege to be on his show. We had a terrific conversation so I have no doubts that this one will be as good. Let me give you his short bio. We’ll then bring Mario in and let him grace his presence so to speak with us and share his wisdom with us.
Mario is a high-performance coach. He’s a TEDx speaker with nearly 900,000 views. I’ll let him tell you when he did his TEDx Talk. He’s also a conscious leader. Mario’s focused on helping entrepreneurs make more money in half the time through building an unstoppable mindset. From CEOs to Olympians and mission-driven entrepreneurs, Mario helps high achievers all across the world gain the mental clarity and focus necessary to achieve what normally takes years and six months or less. Mario travels the world on a mission to raise the consciousness of humanity through his masterclass on conscious leadership and next-level mindset. Mario, welcome to the show.
Andy, thank you so much. Zach, it’s lovely to be with both of you here. I’m excited about this conversation.
Tell the audience when you did your TEDx Talk.
I did it in 2022 at the end of April and the beginning of May. It was released at the end of May and the beginning of June 2022.
In 7 or 8 months, he’s got 900,000 views on his TEDx Talk. It’s one you need to go watch. I watched it when it came out, and I was not shocked or surprised by the awesome job that he did with it. We’re going to focus on mindset, fear, self-doubt and what stops people from living their best life and finding joy and happiness every day of their life. Before we do that, Mario, maybe you could give the audience the Reader’s Digest version of how you got into this business.
I address it briefly in my TEDx Talk. When I got out of high school in Germany, I had no clue what to do with my life. I just knew that I wanted to make a lot of money, be respected and feel like I was doing something that other people deemed as like, “This is the man. He’s doing it.” I picked the only thing that to me made sense after having watched the movie Catch Me If You Can with Leonardo DiCaprio, where he portrays Frank Abagnale who becomes a pilot. I fell in love with the idea of becoming a pilot and applied for Lufthansa in Germany and made it through all the tests.
The first day that I got into this flight training school, I realized that I was not happy with that decision. It dawned on me that all of a sudden, I am living a life that I never truly wanted to live. I was chasing go’s and the should-life. I can elaborate a little bit later on what I mean by the should-life but in short, it’s a confusing combination of the advice you hear from the so-called experts, parents, teachers, the books you read, the gurus and all of that.
I woke up to a reality that suddenly dawned on me that I wasn’t happy with. My life spiraled downwards. I had chronic back pain at that point. I had a slipped disc, became depressed and came to a place where I almost became suicidal. I was so afraid that people would find out because, in my mind, I was like, “If people find out, everybody’s going to hate me. My life is over. My family will reject me. I will be lonely on the streets and dying.”
My mind was making up all these horror scenarios but to my mind, it felt like it was real. I went on YouTube and I don’t know what I typed in but by divine intervention, I came across Tony Robbins and Les Brown. I listened to their messages. I saw Tony Robbins coach people like myself at a very low point and coached him through a breakthrough. As I saw that, it was like on the inside something clicked into place and there was a voice that says, “This is your path. This is what you are meant to be doing in life.”
It was so strong that this message helped me to find hope, quit my career and start fresh. I made myself that promise that one day I too will help people free their minds from the thoughts and emotions that are holding them back in life. Fast forward to that, it took me 7 or 8 years that I started coaching and public speaking. It was that moment that catapulted me into who I am now.
You didn’t walk on any fire, did you?
I did, a lot later at Tony’s event.
I’m curious. On that first day in flight training, you felt like you couldn’t flip the switch per se. How much do you think that your soul or your inside was communicating or saying that to you? How much of it was the external world or your mind realizing it was the external world that was putting that should or expectations in your head, “This is what I should be doing?”
The reason why I chose this pilot career was society’s conditioning, especially growing up in Germany. In Germany, if you’re not studying, then you got to do something where you become an apprentice of something to be part of a respectable level of society. I can see Zach nodding because he understands German culture. You have to have something that has value to it and that has a sense of quality. I hated the idea of studying because, for three years, I was with a bunch of idiots that don’t know anything about life.
I don’t want to have again what I experienced in school. I want to do something practical and where I can make money fast so pilot. I learned about how much pilots make immediately after two years of training. I was like, “This is amazing.” I thought about traveling the world with hot ladies around my side and everybody looking at me with the uniform thinking, “You are the crap.” I was like, “I’m sold. Where do I sign up?” Plus, 97% of all the people that applied at the Lufthansa Flight Training Academy at that time failed.
That was another turn-on for my ego that said, “This is the most difficult thing you could potentially do to prove to your family and everybody that you are worthy.” It was perfectly made for me because my go-to mindset was to find the most difficult thing to master so I could prove to other people that you are worth it. I followed the path. On the first day, it’s interesting that you make that distinction between soul and mind.
The instinct to turn around and walk away came from my gut. It was a gut feeling. I will always remember that said, “No, this is not who you are. This is not your path.” I was like, “Shut up. I invested too much time, money and energy. The whole world is so happy and proud.” My family is like, “Our son is going to become a pilot.” It’s a huge deal in Germany. It’s like going to NASA in the US. I was like, “No, I can’t turn around. I can’t just chicken out.” I went on.
Mario, with that, how much was that voice there? A lot of what you talk about is self-doubt. A lot of that when I talk to people comes from self-doubt but it comes from external pressure. It’s a narrative that we’ve been told our entire life that you’re supposed to be X, whatever X is. When you had that gut feeling, how much were you debating the voice saying no? How loud was that voice? What did you do to shut it up?
The voice that said, “No, turnaround,” was subtle. It wasn’t like a screaming voice. It was like, “This isn’t for you. Turn around. It’s okay.” The doubt kicked in because my conditioning at the time was way stronger. The immediate thought was, “If I turn around now, I’ll be a loser. What will my family, friends and people think of me?”
That one was way louder. Throughout this whole Lufthansa training experience that I had, I had so much inner conflict. It was insane. The conflict was tearing me apart because I had this belief system of, “If I even admit to people that I am struggling and I’m not happy with this, everybody would judge me.” It was me judging myself this whole time but I wasn’t aware of any of these processes.
It would be safe to say at that moment in time, as you’re applying and getting into Lufthansa and its flight training, I’m very aware of everything you described is about German culture. The second biggest office in the division of Boeing I worked in was headquartered in Frankfurt, Germany. I’ve been to Germany many times. I understand everything you described about finding a job and what’s respected in German culture.
I was sitting there right next to you when you were talking about it because I’ve experienced it having been in the aviation world from that perspective. What was your mindset in life? Let’s talk about mindset a little bit. Would you feel like your mindset was controlled by society in the messaging you were getting? Do you feel like you had any control over your mindset at that time?
I didn’t even know what a mindset was, to be honest. I had no clue. The first time I heard the term mindset was when I listened to Tony Robbins and Les Brown. I started to even understand that there is such a thing as a mindset. To me, it was this is the way life is and there’s nothing that I could do about this. It’s either going to work or it isn’t.
It was this extreme mentality that I see still so many entrepreneurs have, the do-or-die mentality. It doesn’t allow for a middle path. For me, I was so on the extreme like, “I got to make this work.” That mindset let me down a very dark path. Naturally, this was conditioning by what I had received in my life. Now, I view it very differently. I view it as the greatest gift that ever happened to me in my life.
I’m so incredibly happy that it happened to me. If I could go back and change anything, I wouldn’t because it made me an extraordinary leader and coach. I get to feel people who are still there stuck in that mentality. What it comes down to was Osho said, “The greatest fear in life is the fear of what other people think of you.” It’s true. I was so caught up in what will people think of me.
The greatest fear in life is the fear of what other people think of you.
If you look at German history, German culture started during the Second World War when it was incentivized by the Nazi regime for people to snitch on each other. It went so far that children were indoctrinated to say, “If your parents counter the regime or hide Jews, you have to tell us.” Some of the children told the authorities that their parents were doing something and the parents will be taken away.
Imagine that conditioning. It went on if you look at East Germany and the Stasi and how that developed. You’ll still see that there is a lot of this jealousy culture in Germany. What it stems from is a shame and a guilt wound like, “I’m so ashamed of myself so I’m projecting that shame onto other people. They should have it either.”
I remember when the whole COVID thing happened and my mom called me. She came back from South Africa and there was this hysteria about when you’re from South Africa, you’re supposed to stay at home for two weeks. Later they found out that it was all BS. There was no science to it at all. My mom was at home. She was flipping three tests. They’re all negative. She had no symptoms, nothing. She was healthy as ever.
She was forced to stay at home for two weeks. After 5 or 6 days, she was like, “This ends now. I got to go shopping and buy some food.” She went out and one of the neighbors called the police and sued her. She got a letter and all that stuff. It was then dropped because they took it up to a higher court but this culture is still there.
I remember when I go back to Germany and I share the way that I share and my excitement about my passion for life and how you can create your reality, oftentimes with people from older generations or people that are stuck in institutions, you get this like, “You don’t know what you’re saying. This is crazy.” It’s like, “I pray for you to find healing but I’m no longer going to even argue with any of that.” It’s so heavily limiting.
The Boomer generation in the US was very similar. It was a staunch structure that you had to fit into. It’s generational but would you agree more that the Millennial side is breaking out of that mold though?
Yes. These narratives once worked. I don’t look at them as bad, wrong or negative anymore. I look at them as if they have served their purpose. They worked for the time that people were in. We have so progressively and fast moved into a whole new world of being where the whole world is interconnected. All these cultures are interacting with one another.
Take my example. I’ve lived in so many different countries and continents with so many different cultures. The learning that you have among different cultures accelerated to a degree that people can’t even comprehend. Naturally, you get all these ideas exchanged with each other and people are like, “Why do we still do it the way that our parents are doing it? The world is different.” Why are women not allowed to show themselves publicly?
If you take what’s happening in Iran, there’s a clash of mindsets and narratives. There’s this new generation breaking out of that, which has a lot of beautiful bondage to it. It also comes with its disadvantages because if you look at the current generation, culture and heritage are thrown out of the window. Cancel culture.
If you stick to traditional norms, you are a bigot, right-wing, racist. I believe in traditional gender norms. I believe in a man and a woman biologically. I don’t believe in any of the pronoun stuff but that’s my perspective. I’m okay with other people saying, “Mario, I don’t agree with your perspective. Here’s my perspective.” We have this whole conversation around, “If you say that then you’re being canceled,” which is this hyper-individualism.
There is this extreme tendency to watch like, “I can be a unicorn and you have to address me as a pink, red butterfly and that’s what I’m going to put on my ID card.” I’m like, “That’s taking it very far.” We have this intersection of so many different perspectives of so many different people clashing together. It’s extremism. How can we find a middle ground?
Let’s keep focusing on that word mindset. Mario, in a sentence or two, can you describe in your opinion or viewpoint what is mindset?
Mindset is a perspective. Mindset is what is the filter that I put in front of my eyes to look at the experience of life that I have, look at life out on the outside and look at myself as whom I believe I am. There are many terms for a growth mindset, an abundance mindset and a scarcity mindset but what it comes down to is a filter for reality.
Would you say that mindset is built off of some fun foundational elements, values, a person’s values, a person’s experiences, a person’s sense of worth or uniqueness? What would you say would be foundational elements of a mindset?
Values play a strong part in your history and environment. There are so many factors that shape a mindset. Take the environment for instance. It’s one of the strongest determining factors of how your mindset will be shaped. If you are an entrepreneur and you want to make a lot more money, say you want to go from low 6 figures to multiple 6 figures high or maybe even 7 figures. If you hang around with people that are all on that same level, it’s likely going to be more challenging to advance to these levels because people have the same mindset and the habits that they have reconfirm the mindset.
We have Zach who is in fitness. If Zach wants to gain more muscle and become even leaner, Zach’s not going to hang out with people that are very slim or maybe ultramarathon runners that are not about gaining more mass. Why? It’s because they will put ideas into his mind that might make it more challenging. Here’s the thing with that. Consciously, he might be like, “No, I don’t agree with that. I’ll disregard that. This is what I believe in.”
Unconsciously and this is the challenge for so many people, your need for human connection will challenge your thinking. People are generally more afraid of losing other people that they’re surrounded by so they will naturally drop to the level of their environment because they don’t want to be left alone. They don’t want to be the one that is singled out, which is why it’s so hard for people to change and change their mindset when they’re around people whom all have the same mindset.
Unconsciously, your need for human connection will challenge your own thinking. Because people are generally more afraid of losing other people they’re surrounded with, so they will naturally drop to the level of their environment because they don’t want to be left alone.
You might be conscious like, “I don’t agree with that,” but your unconscious mind is screaming, “If I say no to that, they’re going to leave me.” That comes back to your primal instincts of being surrounded by other people. Back in the tribal days, if you were the only one that said yes among five no sayers, that might have meant your survival is not granted anymore.
These same processes are happening unconsciously. When you are with your family and you’re saying, “I think I want to move to South Africa,” they’ll look at you like, “Are you nuts? Are you okay?” You’re like, “I’m okay. It’s a great idea,” but unconsciously, your mind is screaming, “Don’t do it because they’re going to hate you. You’re going to be alone.” Your environment is one of the most important determining factors of what shapes your mindset.
To flip that coin, you talk about the need for human connection. It creates within us a thermometer. Our temperature rises or lowers to the level of those who are around. In the same instance, flipping the coin, if somebody wants to change their mindset consciously, be around people that are where they want to be. How important is that? How can somebody go about that?
Going back to the names of the mindset, a scarcity mindset or a negative mindset towards themselves to where they say, “I would love to make $500,000 a year,” to throw a number out there, their narrative and conditioning because they came from a family, generationally speaking, a middle class like, “This is all will ever be,” or working class, they want to get to that next level but they can’t see themselves as part of that crowd. What’s the catalyst to push them into that circle?
There are often two types of catalysts. One, which is the most common, is fear and pain. People get so fed up with their current environment and their relations. They were like, “I’ve had it. I’m out of here. This is so stupid. I will no longer tolerate this.” The pain is then used to catapult them towards a change which is what I experienced when I was part of Lufthansa, where I was like, “I’ve had it. I’m out of this. I can’t do this anymore.”
That’s one way of doing it. However, it’s a very dangerous and unsustainable way. I might have even said at that point when I was there, “I can’t handle this anymore. I’m out of life. I’m taking the other way.” Thankfully, I didn’t do that. There are a lot of people in the world that take that route. The other route is through purpose, inspiration and spirit. That’s where you connect with the divine, whatever you want to call that.
That’s where you have a moment where you’re like, “What is my heart saying?” Your heart tells a whole different story than your mind. It’s way more powerful and effective. It’s ten times scarier to your mind because it’s all about no control. There are these two paths and most entrepreneurs, I’d say 9 times out of 10, even 9.5 times out of 10, choose the pain because the whole world conditions you to believe that pain and fear are a good way to drive you forward.
Look at society. Whenever society faces something, it’s always the fight against like a war against drugs, a war on Corona, a war on this or that and the fight against climate change. It doesn’t make any sense because the problem with that is you become the very thing that you say you want to get rid of. The fight against racism creates more racists, people that are full of hate. It doesn’t solve anything.
It shifts it over here but it doesn’t change anything which is why if you look at the state of the world, has it improved even though technologically we have advanced like never before or at least to what we know a degree? No, it hasn’t. It’s those two drivers. It’s either the pain and fear or it’s the purpose, the inspiration, the love for the craft or the passion that pulls you forward and changes your environment.
I work with my people on changing mindsets within my team. I coach people a lot on affirmation, talking to themselves and how they’re talking to themselves to change their narratives and filter through which they view the world as you put it. Mario, you said it exactly. If you’re saying, “I’m not,” your subconscious forgets the not but you can still focus on that.
One of my biggest hobbies is riding motorcycles. There’s a fixation. When somebody looks at where they don’t want to go, they always end up hitting that spot. In that sense, we’ve overcorrected that’s what society’s done to your point in a lot of areas but individually speaking, it is so important for people to understand.
It is where the whole concept of embodiment comes in. It is way more important than the idea of just focusing on your mindset. When I talk about mindset, I don’t just address your thoughts. It’s also a big part of your emotions. This is a slippery slope when it comes to affirmations because your body is your unconscious mind. If you’re in a state where you have doubts saying, “I’m not sure if I can do this. What if this doesn’t work out,” and you’re like, “No, I got this. I am powerful. I am confident. I trust myself,” your body goes, “BS.” You’re like, “No, I trust myself. I got this.” That’s called positive toxicity or spiritual bypassing.
You’re not addressing what your body needs. Your body at that moment needs a breath. Your body needs touch. Your body needs to hear, “It’s okay. I got you.” There’s a little child inside of you that is still stuck in the past and afraid. The whole notion of moving outside of your comfort zone and people punishing themselves for leaving the comfort zone is the most counterproductive thing to healthy, high levels of sustainable high performance.
The whole notion of people punishing themselves towards leaving the comfort zone is the most counterproductive thing to healthy, high levels of sustainable high performance.
It doesn’t work because the comfort zone means more fear. The reason you’re not going outside of your comfort zone is that you’re afraid. You’re telling yourself, “Go, you idiot and loser. Stop being lazy.” It works on a very short-term basis because you’re using fear and pain but the cost of that is burnout. The cost to that, which I see a lot of entrepreneurs is they’re numb. They don’t feel anything anymore like when they hit $10,000, $20,000, $30,000 or $40,000. What do they need? A coping mechanism like drugs, alcohol, porn, you name it or more work. A lot of entrepreneurs’ work is a coping mechanism.
I’ll have to break down there.
I need a breath after all that. I wasn’t breathing that whole time because that was so good. I’m not kidding.
It’s pointing to a lot of what Zach and I have talked about on this show. This embodiment that you talk about is an understanding, a curiosity, an investigation, listening to your heart, listening to your body and embodying your purpose and your sense of why you are here on this earth. You’re more than just a biological human being that’s got several different systems in it that keep your body going and surviving.
You’re something more than that. Your soul, spirit, energy or energies and how much are you understanding that, talking about it, being curious about it and listening about it and those things to embody it within your life, then allowing that to be a huge foundational element of the filters you talked about in developing your mindset instead of the other route you were talking about using fear and pain as a sledgehammer to try and get you to move in some way. The sledgehammer doesn’t help you necessarily to start embodiment. It might be painful enough to say, “There’s got to be a different way to life.”
That’s what happened to me in the middle of a crappy second marriage. I sat down, closed my office door at Boeing and said, “There’s got to be a different way.” That’s what started my journey. The sledgehammer came out but it pushed me to the point where I started being curious. It’s got to be something spiritual. I sat down and in two hours writing a new life plan for myself that started the embodiment process that I’m still on. This show, my business and everything else are part of that embodiment and curiosity and I’m still growing in it. I’m asking people to be curious, think about it and join me. If you ever follow our show, Zach, what do we say at the very end? We don’t talk about that subscribe button.
It was spelled wrong. It’s a follow button. Follow us on this journey for ourselves of this embodiment and we’re bringing on guests and people that talk about small little facets. If your embodiment was a diamond with multiple facets, everything we talk about on the show is one facet of that diamond about the embodiment, the why and your journey to be curious and introspective and listening to your heart and body and embracing that. When you do that, your filters and mindset change. All of a sudden, joy and happiness show up in your life every single day.
With an embodiment, I find it way more challenging for men because men were so head focused. We’re trying to fix problems, create structure and make sense of stuff. Whereas women are way more connected to their bodies also by natural design because they are able to give birth to new life, which is an incredible gift. They feel their bodies more. I feel there’s a shift in the world happening towards that feminine.
When some men hear this, they’re like, “What do you mean? Feminine? I’m a man.” The more you embrace that feminine side of you, which means emotions, vulnerability and softness, the more powerful you become in life. I am a living testimony to this because I was so hesitant to even allow myself to be vulnerable in places where I felt like I’m out of control, which led me to the path where I almost ended my life.
The more you embrace that feminine side of you, which means emotions, vulnerability, and softness, the more powerful you become.
After that, I went into a party drug addiction and emotional abuse, you name it. I’ve experienced a lot of suffering but every time, I go into a place where I allow myself to feel what I feel. There’s a fine difference. You can say, “I feel sad or disappointed but it’s okay because I got this.” You’re bypassing. This is also something that I am actively working on. True embodiment is, “I feel sad.” Shut up after that and feel that. That’s where most men go, “What will they think of me if they say that? They’re going to think I’m a loser or I’m weak. I don’t have it all together.”
I’ve done men’s work, coaching among men in groups all over the world and tested my mind thesis where I’m like, “I’m going to show vulnerable in a space where I am the coach. I am the facilitator with fifteen other men like high performers and entrepreneurs. I’m going to drop the guard,” and I did drop the guard.
I cried. I had tears coming down. I was like, “This is so uncomfortable.” I asked them, “Honest to heart, what do you think of me that you’ve seen me in this space?” Every single one of them was like, “I respect you so much more. That was incredible. You’ve elevated.” Many times, it shifted everything in my life. That’s also why my title is called The Freedom Architect. The way that I run my business is effortless. More opportunities come in.
I work when it’s fun. I create my days the way that I love doing them. After this conversation, I have another coaching call. I don’t feel like, “Another coaching call and a show.” I’m freaking lit up. I love this stuff but I consciously created it in a way that I can also feel this is fun, exciting and effortless. I feel at peace. I don’t feel pressure and the next thing. That’s what I mean when you bring in that feeling aspect of yourself, you get to be incredibly powerful.
Andy, how many times have we talked about that specifically?
We had Alex Terranova on the show talking about the whole masculine-feminine piece. Zach and I often use the Be-Do-Have model and how that does relate to feminine and masculine energy. The masculine’s all about to do and the feminine’s all about the be. It doesn’t matter what gender you are, the masculine and feminine energy flows. If you’re in the right space, mindset or consciousness, that energy flows naturally within you. Whatever is happening presently in your life, you’re going to call forth the proper energy that’s going to resonate with it, accentuate and bring love to the forefront, all those types of things.
You’re right. Going back to the beginning of our conversation about society, conditioning and everything else that brings into it, society wants us men to take the feminine energy that’s naturally within us and go to the backyard with a shovel, dig a hole, throw all of it in there and cover it up with dirt and forget about it. We wonder why heart attacks are the number one cause of death for men from a health perspective and why we have difficulty with relationships, particularly with women and so forth.
Do you know why this happens? Most people don’t get it because people don’t understand the correlation between what you said and high performance. People think this will make them weaker. The conversation needs to shift towards that because we live in a capitalist society which means the capitalist mindset is about what generates value, like your show, and how is it practical so we can live it.
A lot of this is around, “Let me feel good. This is so beautiful for mental health.” Mental health is great but people only care about mental health because of whatever they are allowed to do or have in life. We live in a capitalist world. If we don’t bring the conversation there, people are not going to see the use. They’re like, “I read it in a book. It sounds nice. The guy quit his law career, sold his Ferrari and is traveling the world. Look at him, he looks younger.”
There’s a real scientific scenario that shows people if you do this, you’re going to be an incredibly empowered human being. You will be unstoppable which is why I tell people the work that I do makes you unstoppable. It does because what stops you? Only you stop yourself and more precisely, you are resisting what’s happening inside of you. An emotion comes up and you’re like, “No. I don’t have time for that. It’s a waste of time. I can’t do this. This is unpractical. Not now, later.”
If you allow yourself to integrate that, you go and become so much more effective in life. You’ll make more money if that’s what you want. You have better legendary sex. You have better relationships with your family and friends. You live way longer. You look way healthier so everything approves. If you put that on the table, people are like, “If you then say no to that, then there’s only one thing. You don’t want a better life.” The reason you don’t want a better life is that you’re scared of a better life. It’s an indirect conflict with whom you think you are and that means you think you are unworthy of having a better life. It’s the only way why you are resisting solutions to what you’re facing because you think you don’t deserve them.
Whenever I have conversations with women who are willing to discuss this, I say, “There are two things you can do to help men.” This is more specific to whomever their partner is or their boyfriend or whomever they’re in a relationship with. The first one is to hold space per se to allow your man to be emotional because society doesn’t condition him. You like to use the analogy and it works for Zach because he came from the fitness industry about the muscle and the emotional muscle, growing it and allowing that energy to flow through and being able to express it.
He’s got to feel like what he does is going to land in a place that’s inviting, accepted and grateful for that. The greatest gift you as a woman can give to a man is to hold that space when he does that such that he can keep practicing using that emotional muscle in your relationship. He gets more comfortable with it from that perspective because he wasn’t brought up that way. Society didn’t bring the man up that way so you’ve got to allow him to practice and being in that way.
The second is for men in general. You got to be vocal about the definition of a strong man. I realize what women are attracted to but if your definition of strength is Arnold Schwarzenegger, you’re not going to allow a man to grow and evolve into what your subconscious and your soul want in terms of a strong man. You can have a strong and intimate connection in your relationship. What sits between the two of you is your relationship.
It’s a slippery slope by asking yourself, “What do women want?” A lot of women don’t know what they want so they go with what they’re used to. Oftentimes, they’re used to having a father that is coming from a wounded place which creates toxic patterns which is why so many women are turned off by guys that are heart-centered.
The good guy loses the scenario.
There you go. It’s because women don’t want the good guy. They want the guy that reminds them of what they used to. Oftentimes what they used to is an avoidable father that is emotionally unavailable who drinks and treats women with no respect. Why does he do it? It’s because he doesn’t treat his emotional side with respect so he can’t. I had the scenario with my fiancée in the beginning. When we first started dating, I gave her a big rose on the second date and she said, “No, I don’t want that.”
For another three years, we didn’t date and she told me later on, “I was turned off by how easy it was for me to get you.” I was like, “You were turned off because I didn’t meet your expectations of your toxic father.” She said, “That’s true.” I said, “You have matured enough to feel like a man who lives in his heart is much more attractive and safer.” Be mindful when you ask yourself, “What do women want?” I wouldn’t go after that metric because most women don’t know what they want. They just go off to what’s what they already know.
To give it a name, it’s almost Societal Stockholm Syndrome. Some things in my realm of mine have that going on. What they see as love and normal is whatever their father showed them. Not in my marriage, outside of that but personal realm still. From an outside perspective, you’re going, “What are you doing?” That’s exactly why.
This is also the same reason for people that are extremely obese and whose diet is killing them. They’re not stupid. They’re like, “I know if I stop eating McDonald’s every day and start eating mostly veggies every day, something will improve in my life,” but they don’t want to improve because that’s not what they’re used to. The human mind in its primary function is there to protect and save you from perceived harm.
The human mind, in its primary function is there to protect you, to save you from perceived harm.
It’s important that you understand perceived, not actual harm. Perceived as, “If I go on this diet, I will no longer be the way that I used to be or the way that my parents were. I’m no longer going to be part of that which means there’s a part of me that’s dying so that’s dangerous. I’m not going to do it. I’d rather die than change.”
We’re going to be respectful of Mario’s time. Zach will agree with me. When we finished our conversation with Alex, we promised him a room in the Generate Your Value hotel so that we could pull them out to do future episodes and we’ll probably do the same thing with Mario. We’ll give you your room on the show and have you as a regular guest on.
I feel like we just got started.
We scratched the surface with this conversation so we need to keep it going.
Introduce me to a future best friend so we can talk about hypnosis more.
That’s my job around here. If people wanted to connect with you to continue the conversation or to engage with you as a coach in those types of things, what’s the best way somebody could connect with you, Mario?
I’m much more interested in hearing from you what resonated from this interview. What stood out for you? Were you like, “That touched me?” Also, were you like, “No, I don’t agree. Not at all?” I want to see both polarities. Shoot me a message. I’m always interested in learning what people get out of this. The best way to connect with me is through LinkedIn. Type in my name Mario Lanzarotti. The same on Instagram and Twitter. I’m relatively new on Twitter but I’m enjoying Twitter. I’m building my audience there. Reach out. I’m happy to chat.
We’re going to finish with one question and I’ll let Zach have the honors for that.
Mario, we briefed on this but we always end every episode of the show with the question, what do the words generate your value mean to you, your life and your purpose?
It’s a combination of finding what your mission is here in this world and your mission to me is different from your purpose. To me, your life’s purpose is to be alive and experience life fully, the ups, downs, lefts and rights, all of that. Your mission is something that you choose, that you feel a great calling to solve and change the world. For me, this is raising the consciousness of humanity.
I believe if you determine that and a way to actively make other people’s lives better in whatever area of life, whether you are a hairdresser, an entrepreneur, a lawyer or a restaurant owner, it doesn’t matter. What is the way that you can make somebody’s lives better? If you bring those two together, you’re going to go very far with generating your value in life.
No right or wrong answers but that was a good one. With that, Mario, thank you so much for spending time with us and deep diving into the conversation. We feel like there’s so much more to unpack. Hopefully, we get to do that in the future. To our audience, thank you for reading and taking time out of your day. Time is the most precious asset that we do have so spending it with us is huge. Thank you.
As we mentioned in the show, this is a journey for Andy and me as well. This is not where the experts in the room are, though we talk about this stuff a lot. We get value from this as well. Join us on that journey to help generate more value. As Mario put it, his mission is to increase the consciousness of humanity and in that generating more value. For every guest we have on, we pray that we generate value. Join us in that, hit that subscribe button, though it’s spelled wrong. It’s supposed to follow. Andy, what else?
Go out and watch Mario’s TEDx Talk. It’s an awesome conversation that centers around topics that we talked about here. There’s a reason why there are 900,000 views. It’s almost at the one million mark in only months that ought to tell you something about the impact and the word of mouth and everything about that presentation that you did on this TEDx Talk. I highly encourage you to go see it. Keep generating your value. We’re out here to support, encourage and inspire you to find your purpose and mission in your life to live your life to the fullest and generate value in your life as well as others that you surround yourself with.
Whether it’s community, neighbors, families and also if you’re in the business world and so forth. There’s every opportunity to generate value in this world. The world needs it. The world needs you. Let’s get contributing. With that being said, we hope you have a great day. We’ll see you on the next episode with a guest that’s of the caliber of Mario that’s out here trying to generate value in people’s lives and the world. Hopefully, you’ll take as many gold nuggets from that episode as you did with Mario. Take care.
IMPORTANT LINKS
- Mario Lanzarotti
- Mario Lanzarotti’s TEDx Talk
- Alex Terranova – Past Episode
- Mario Lanzarotti – LinkedIn
- Instagram – Mario Lanzarotti
- Twitter – Mario Lanzarotti
ABOUT MARIO LANZAROTTI
Today, Mario travels the world on a mission to raise the consciousness of humanity through his masterclass on conscious leadership and next level mindset.
